Behind Being ME

Blueberyz is a chat addict. This becomes my nick way back MIRC days. I was in college that time.  Those days when I get to know and meet differently kinds of people. When I stayed online until wee hours in the morning just to chat with those online friends. I was blueberyz. When I take the chance to meet them personally, aka -eyeball. And I would chat then the next day and would read the lines, “blueberyz is cute!” And sometimes, people from the same college I went to would say, “you’re blueberyz, right?”… Oh well.  

The nick I’ve used when I got tired of being blueberyz. Hiding behind this identity. I love this name! For me it’s like being kissed in a hot and passionately way, yet being feminine at the same time.

Only a few wants to call me Ameur. No wonder I wouldn’t want to be called one. I remember my high school teacher. I remember two college professors. One who eyes me somehow and one who always articulates my ex-boyfirends surname, which is Ame. I even remember her saying, “I asked Ame if he will marry Ameur. And he said “I do!”. Ohhhh… those were the days. 

Yes, this is me! Somehow a sophisticated one. Close high school and college friends call me by this name. I miss those days. I miss the company of seeing my friends everyday as much as I miss being Czarm. Czarm had a full-life, nothing is ever wasted. All emotions had been felt. All chances on life and love had been taken.  A thousand experiences and lessons learned throughout those years.

I grew up as Arom, a chubby-shy girl. I am still Arom, but now I am a woman. Still with that somehow shy-nice image. To my family and relatives I would always be Arom. It’s the safest place I know, where I would always feel loved. Always remembering that no matter how strong the wind is or how high the waves are, there are people who are willing to lend me a hand and support me. Those are the people who knew me as Arom.

This is me now. In the professional world I am Cza. Started being Cza when I could not use Czarm in the first company I was employed in. I didn’t want to leave Czarm behind, but I could not. Now, I stick to this. My husband knew me through being Cza.

Changes and more changes.
These are some parts of being Me. Fragments of who the person behind my life people knew about. No matter who I am to them, I am happy. I am contented knowing who the real person is inside.


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