Time and Differences

Finally I am thankful! I’ve got the chance to sit at home in front of the PC, read my emails, check my Friendster account, answer inquiries from my online business which I had already neglected and find time to have some serene moments.

Just 2 things I had learned this week:  
+ Enjoyed the photoshoot for ID… somehow
I could say that working in the company I am with is simply cool. Laid-back, but still, full of drive and passion. This is the first time I’ve heard and seen a photoshoot for an ID which should not be the so-typical ID picture. Isn’t it cool when you have to be photographed in a studio, then you have to strike a pose, face the came and project! Different shots and it’s really enjoyable! Everyone else does!!! 
+ Presented and handled a meeting… partly
Maybe I’m just used to attending meetings wherein I would just sit, listen, prepare meetings, participate slightly in the discussion… Now I’ve experienced, calling one and almost like, presiding it! It was like— Oh my, it’s not me I can’t do that!— But it’s there, I have to face it, dish the fears… and it’s done! Though I know I’ve got lots of improvements to be done!

It’s also noteworthy to blog about the Earth Hour 2008. Learning that everyone could take part and make a stand against global warming. It’s about turning off lights for an hour on March 29 at 8 pm. What a big difference this could really make!

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Stressful March

Whewww! As far as I wanted to lay back and just relax… I have no means to.

Got office works waiting to be done.
Thinking that I have just started… then being absent.
It’s just stressful.
For weeks that “my-daddy- lolo” stayed in the hospital.
Just got a few last moments with him.
Wishing I could spend more time.
Felt the pain, too much loss.
Stressed was even more… then, much greater.
Kids to take care of… to spend time with.
Time to move on…
Pack everything, then unpack, clean, re-arrangements.
Not yet done with this.
Still feeling burned out!

March had been so stressful for me and for the whole family! Sleepless nights, overpowering emotions, pains, loss… coupled with moving on to a new home. I am totally burned-out! Yet I know and hopefully sooner, I could just breath and enjoy!

In Heaven Now

We all cried and felt the pain of losing you.
You have done your part and now it’s time to finally bid you goodbye.
We are leaving you at peace to follow the path
In Heaven, we know you are there.
In our hearts you will always remain.

Daddy Lolo got cremated today at the Chinese Crematorium. This is the first time that our family witnessed a cremation. At first, I could feel that somehow there’s a small dose of fear about the cremation ways. But then, after almost 3 hours of waiting outside the cremation place, all of us felt more relieved. It seems like the pain and sadness of losing him slowly fades as he is being cremated. We all felt that he is still with us. It brings a different feeling knowing that we bring back with us his remains, unlike the usual burial way where the person will be left underground.

I looked up and saw a bright light shining from up above. I know Daddy is happy where he is now.

In His Loving Memory

Thank you Lord for giving him to us.
I would always remember him.
His memory won’t be forgotten.

This online memorial site is for him.

Goodbye For Now, Daddy

Nothing lasts forever. No matter how much people wanted him to live, it’s time to say goodbye. Daddy Lolo passed away after several years of being strong. He’s 87, and at some point, maybe we had also prepared ourselves before reaching this time. But then, it’s hard when you have to face reality; when losing him was right in front of all of us.

I’ve spent more than 24 years living in his care and being with him. I only left my grandparent’s house when I started to have a family of my own. Living away from them is not that easy, but I have to. He took great care of me and my siblings. He was always there when we were growing up. He’s one of the people who make sure that we are always doing and feeling good.  He inspired me to excel in school. He’d done all that he could. He even stretched out his hand a lot of times.

Whenever I visit him & my mommy Lola, I always wished I could make everything easy for him. I wish I have the power to heal him and make him strong just what he was years ago. How much I wanted to take care of him… and do anything that I can for him. How much I wanted to shoulder the expenses for his medicines and nurse’s payment. But I have no means to. But I know daddy Lolo understands, just what he always do.

It was 4 years ago when I remember praying so hard; praying that God will give him more time… that God won’t take him away from us that soon. And God is so good; He answered my prayers. But now, it’s time to let go…

When I visited him at the hospital’s ICU, tears had fallen from my eyes. He wanted to be strong. He even had the strength to sing the song, “dahil sa’yo nais kong mabuhay… “.  I could feel how much he still wanted to spend more time with his family. After that, several codes followed… lower blood pressures, pulse, oxygen. What I could just do is pay him a visit, hold his hand… just presence. Family members took care of him, sang for him, spent the days and nights at the hospital just for him. He remained strong. He keeps on fighting until the end.

I tried hard not to let tears fall. But I can’t help but feel sad for saying goodbye. I know I won’t be seeing him anymore. I don’t want to cry, for I don’t want him to see me sad.

Daddy, don’t worry about me… don’t worry about the people you left. I would be ok… they would also be. I am crying because I know I would be missing you so much. I know you are ok to. There’ll be no more pain, no more struggles. How much I wanted to see you happy… and you’re now at peace with Him. Thank you so much for raising me up and for being a good daddy lolo to me. Tomorrow I would still cry and whenever I remember you, tears would somehow fall. Please don’t mind the tears, I am not sad. I am just longing… and missing you.

Daddy, give Tito Ed a hug from me too. Tell him also that I miss him. You’ll be with Tito Ed also… and you would always smile. I would be smiling too because I know you are happy…

Daddy, I won’t forget you ever.
I will really miss you.
In my prayers you will always be…
You will live forever in my heart and in my memories…

I love you!