Goodbye For Now, Daddy

Nothing lasts forever. No matter how much people wanted him to live, it’s time to say goodbye. Daddy Lolo passed away after several years of being strong. He’s 87, and at some point, maybe we had also prepared ourselves before reaching this time. But then, it’s hard when you have to face reality; when losing him was right in front of all of us.

I’ve spent more than 24 years living in his care and being with him. I only left my grandparent’s house when I started to have a family of my own. Living away from them is not that easy, but I have to. He took great care of me and my siblings. He was always there when we were growing up. He’s one of the people who make sure that we are always doing and feeling good.  He inspired me to excel in school. He’d done all that he could. He even stretched out his hand a lot of times.

Whenever I visit him & my mommy Lola, I always wished I could make everything easy for him. I wish I have the power to heal him and make him strong just what he was years ago. How much I wanted to take care of him… and do anything that I can for him. How much I wanted to shoulder the expenses for his medicines and nurse’s payment. But I have no means to. But I know daddy Lolo understands, just what he always do.

It was 4 years ago when I remember praying so hard; praying that God will give him more time… that God won’t take him away from us that soon. And God is so good; He answered my prayers. But now, it’s time to let go…

When I visited him at the hospital’s ICU, tears had fallen from my eyes. He wanted to be strong. He even had the strength to sing the song, “dahil sa’yo nais kong mabuhay… “.  I could feel how much he still wanted to spend more time with his family. After that, several codes followed… lower blood pressures, pulse, oxygen. What I could just do is pay him a visit, hold his hand… just presence. Family members took care of him, sang for him, spent the days and nights at the hospital just for him. He remained strong. He keeps on fighting until the end.

I tried hard not to let tears fall. But I can’t help but feel sad for saying goodbye. I know I won’t be seeing him anymore. I don’t want to cry, for I don’t want him to see me sad.

Daddy, don’t worry about me… don’t worry about the people you left. I would be ok… they would also be. I am crying because I know I would be missing you so much. I know you are ok to. There’ll be no more pain, no more struggles. How much I wanted to see you happy… and you’re now at peace with Him. Thank you so much for raising me up and for being a good daddy lolo to me. Tomorrow I would still cry and whenever I remember you, tears would somehow fall. Please don’t mind the tears, I am not sad. I am just longing… and missing you.

Daddy, give Tito Ed a hug from me too. Tell him also that I miss him. You’ll be with Tito Ed also… and you would always smile. I would be smiling too because I know you are happy…

Daddy, I won’t forget you ever.
I will really miss you.
In my prayers you will always be…
You will live forever in my heart and in my memories…

I love you!

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